Falling: To Pieces
by Inkathinka
Summary: My world is falling apart. Meaner people might say that it was already going to hell. But not me. Nope, I'm as nice as... y'know, nice things. That's me, good ol' nicey-nice Evans. Too good to see bad coming.
1. Summer's End

**A/N: Standard issue disclaimer-Potter ain't mine. 'Sides that, I've got nothing to say. Enjoy.**

That damned letter. Every summer ended the same way; Petunia and I would be eating breakfast, an owl swoops in the window, letter tied to its foot.

"I've lost my appetite," Petunia would say, and the summer truce would be over. She'd storm off somewhere, and from then 'til June, I'd be Freak, Loser, or the beloved classic, just You. She couldn't stand magic—I _was_ magic. This year was exactly the same. I didn't even bother calling after her this time. Whatever. As my mom bustled into the kitchen, I reached across the table, and roughly grabbed the parchment.

"Oh, is that your letter? I have to go to London anyway, do you want me to drop you and Severus off at the Leaky Cauldron?" Mom was peering over my shoulder. She grinned. "He's really got it bad for you, honey."

"Ugh, Mom! You _know_ we're just friends!" I could've have smacked myself, that sounded _so_ lame, like I wished we weren't just friends. Which, to be utterly clear, I don't. Argh! I mean I don't like him that way. _At all_. He's my friend but…we're just not…we just don't fit that way, y'know? Apparently my mom thought my response was lame too, because she rolled her eyes.

"Mom! Are you getting _sassy_ with me?" I teased her.

"Just go ask him, Lily," she laughed, as she shooed me away from the table. I laughed too as I skipped out the door. I nearly tripped over the doorframe in surprise; Petunia was leaning against the wall just outside. Who the hell waits right outside the door? Was she listening in?

"Mother is so proud," she sneered. That figured. She stayed to eavesdrop. I always told her that was the reason she was born with such big ears—because she was destined to be the nosiest girl on Spinner's End. This was one conversation I could definitely afford to skip. So I did.

"I wasn't done talking!"

* * *

><p>At the other end of the street, something breakable flew out the front door of the Snape house, just missing a lanky teenage boy.<p>

"Let's go, Lily," he muttered. The thing that always struck me about Sev was how he never turned around to look at his mum when she did that.

We stomped off together, equally peeved. Sev slid me a grin. "Petunia?" he asked.

"Yup."

"Ah." I could tell he was trying not to laugh. His face always bunched up, and he looked really sour. I sighed and cracked a smile, poking him in the ribs.

"Fine, let's hear it." I said, eyebrow raised. He exploded into laughter.

"She's just so prudish! Seriously, why do you even care what she thinks? She hates you! The two of you will spend every break avoiding each other like hell, fighting when you can't, and then you'll just run on back to her the moment she smiles your way!" That really stung, especially from Sev.

"Sound familiar Sev?" He sobered up.

"Lils…" I glared at him. I hate to be called that. "Lily. You know it's not the same."

"Yes, Sev! Yes, it is! You tell me, you _promise_ me that you'll quit, that you won't practice the Dark Arts anymore. And for a week. It's fine. Because that's the longest you can avoid them for. The minute they come calling though, you scurry on back, kissing the ground. Face it Sev. You're a coward." His expression went flat, and I turned and stomped away.

Yelling at Severus was awful. He's my best friend, and I can feel him slipping away. I'm always telling him what a coward he is, but he's just trying to do the same thing as me. He's just clinging as tightly as he can to the pieces as the whole thing falls apart. I slowed my pace, and he caught up. He looked at me carefully, a smile just barely visible on the corner of his mouth.

"I can still come with you to Diagon Alley, right?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>Diagon Alley was possibly my favorite place in the world, after Hogwarts. The shops twisted up and down the street, with all sorts of trinkets in baskets by the sales windows. The only thing that ruined it for me was Sev. Since the end of fourth year, he didn't want to be seen with me anymore, thought his mates might give him trouble—like it was ever an easy ride for me either. Did he honestly think the Gryffindor girls just tolerated him? Marlene positively loathed him.<p>

So I sat at Florean's, sipping my milkshake apparently alone, the perfect target for unwelcome males, while Sev sat nearby, too cowardly to openly be in my company, and too jealous not to keep an eye on me. I laugh it off when my Mom brings it up, but I think Sev has a serious crush on me. It's actually probably for the best that our relationship's heading down the toilet anyway, because otherwise it might be difficult to tactfully ward him off. I've already got one awkward suitor I need to fend off with a stick; plus, Severus is (was?) my friend. Not a "potential boyfriend candidate" friend or a "maybe this thing could work out" pal, but a definite buddy, planted in friend zone and way too big to transplant.

I slurped on my shake. Chocolaty. The people who strolled by were pretty much families and students. I recognized a couple Ravenclaws, especially one tall, brunette Liam Abbott. Needless to say, I waved—and I even smiled too, just for kicks. Marlene says my smiles make men want to rip their pants off. I kind of hope that's true, because I'd bet that Liam has a very nice butt. On that thought, I leaned around the sudden obstacle between myself and Liams's arse, hoping to catch a glimpse. Of his _robed_ butt, I mean. Jeez, you'd think I was some kind of pervert or something.

"Lily? Lily! Hey, eyes off the arse, kiddo!" I glanced up at the person who dared interrupt my ogling. It was Marlene, naturally. Only Marlene talks like that. "Can I sit?" I grinned. She sat down without waiting for a yes, and snatched my milkshake, taking a long chug. "Chocolate? I prefer strawberry, personally."

"Yeah, well next time you can _personally_ buy your own!" I grabbed the glass back, and poured it down my throat to keep Marlene from stealing it again. I know, not my most lady-like moment. We laughed, and she handed me a napkin.

"Wipe your beard, honey," She said, snorting. "So, how was your summer?" My eyes flicked over to Sev's table, and her eyes followed. "You two finally split?" She asked almost eagerly.

"Err, no..." She slumped in disappointment.

"So he's just too much of a coward to sit with you?" Marlene hissed loudly. I saw Sev scowl over in our direction, and I knew that he'd heard.

"Well," I began, ignoring her remark. "I finished my homework already, and I just have to buy some new robes before I go…" Sure enough, Marlene was distracted. Sometimes I worry for her safety with that level of focus.

"Tch, of course you've done yours already. I'm still only halfway through charms…" Marlene's voice faded into the background as I watched other arses walk by. I know, I'm shameless.

"Yeah," I agreed vaguely with whatever Marlene was saying. There was a really fit-looking butt over by Flourish and Blotts… Hm… Marlene started to speak louder. My eyes traveled up and down over the back of my unsuspecting victim. He seemed about our age. Marlene wrenched around in her seat, following my gaze. She turned back to me with a horrified expression. At least, I think it was horrified. My eyes were a bit preoccupied…

"POTTER? Really?" Marlene yelled. The boy turned around and looked directly at me. Oh shit! It was Potter! I looked frantically back at Marlene, but not before he managed to wink at me. I tried to engage Marlene in a conversation to save my dignity, but she saw through my ruse. "Honestly, Lily? Ugh. Whatever." Was she sulking? I seriously didn't get her sometimes.

I looked back over to check on Potter. Aw crap. He was sauntering on over here. How could I not have noticed Potter? How could I have thought he was _attractive_? He was just so…not. Not at all.

"Hello, ladies," said Potter suggestively, pulling out a chair for himself. Marlene sat stiffly across from me. Sev glared from tables away. I rolled my eyes. Could Potter really not read this atmosphere? He glanced at my company, eyes hardening when he saw Sev. Then he smirked. What…? "How was your summer, Evans?"

Marlene looked over at me, it was the same question she had just asked me.

"Oh, you know. The usual." Potter looked interested. Damn it. My reply was calculatedly vague on purpose! It was supposed to make him feel awkward, not… fascinated! He leaned in towards me. I couldn't breathe. _From disgust. _C'mon.

"Really? Are you and Snape still…" I held my breath. Please don't ask. Please don't.

"Prongs! Let's go!" Sirius called him from across the street. That was the first time I have ever been grateful to Black. Potter looked over at them.

"Coming!" He shot a glance back at me before getting up to join them. I sighed. _Not_ in relief, or course, because it's not like I was trying to hide my friendship with Sev from him or anything.

Marlene raised her eyebrows at me, and I felt like she was following my thoughts just as well as she followed my gaze. Sev's glare was practically burning holes in my tank top.

"Good thing Potter's gone," she said. Sev sniffed in agreement for once.

"I've got to go get the rest of my things," I said, as I stood up. I hugged Marlene and waved to Sev. They scowled. "See you on the train! Sixth year! Can you believe it?" I put on my most cheerful chirpy voice. I would never let Hogwarts see me act as awful as I do in the summer. Only my best friends could see me like this—shit, didn't Potter…? Ugh. Whatever, I give up.


	2. And the Smell of Burning Coal

**A/N: Disclaim, disclaim, disclaim. Sorry that I haven't updated in a bit. We've been having finals and such… But besides that, erm... House Points for the first person to guess the character twist... I hope it's tricky enough. I'm not sure if you'll be able to figure it out yet using the info in the plot so far. It'll eventually be revealed though, so no worries if you can't deduce the big ole secret. Make sure to PM me though, don't want to spoil it for the other kiddies, right? Right. 'Kay, shutting up now.**

I burst through the brick wall onto platform nine-and-three-quarters, the sight of an enormous red locomotive greeting me. I'd say that it was awe-inspiring and majestic, and that it reminded me of my first trip to Hogwarts, but that would be total crap. Honestly, the novelty just kind of wears off after third year. But not the scent of burning coal. Nope, that _never_ comes out of your robes.

Sev was right behind me, in the typical Evans/Snape tradition. We've always driven him to the station, every single year, 'cause his mom just can't be bothered. But instead of holding our ancient (if not five-year) tradition, he slunk away as quickly as people can slink, trunk in hand. I rolled my eyes, not like nobody had seen this coming. Looking down the platform, I spied three girls huddled together in what looked suspiciously like an evil plotting session. I quickly snatched up my trunk—Merlin knows that _I_ know what those postures mean—and headed for the nearest entrance to the train. Admittedly, in my rush I probably bruised some knee caps with my trunk, but really it's a large crowd, and who'd think to blame their new tattoos of pain on a prefect?

I cast a fleeting glance over my shoulder back at the trio, luckily still plotting, and as karma would have it, I received intense retribution for all those banged-up knees. Because as I turned around, my nose smashed right into a metaphoric piece of shit.

"Oh, come on Evans! I can't possibly smell that good, or do I?" Potter smirked and looked around to see who had heard him as he puffed his chest out. Don't think I didn't notice. I bet he did it just so he could fill that last tiny gap between us, thus firmly planting my nose upon his body. I'd teach him about sniffing!

"Gee, Potter, I'd guess that you smell like crap, but hey, you tell me—you're the one with his head stuck up his own ass." I whispered heatedly, making sure, of course that no one else heard. His eyes widened in shock. James Potter, meet Lily Evans, ass-kicker extraordinaire. There is absolutely no way he could fancy me after that little peek into my actual personality. I looked up again to check on the three musketeers of evil. Great. The girls were on the move. I started to climb up into the train, and Potter numbly lifted my trunks up after me. Pfft. As if I'd fall for his 'just being a gentleman' ploy. So I yanked my bags out of his fascinatingly manly hands, and marched down the corridor to the prefects' compartment, a safe haven even in the midst of all this stupidity.

After tucking away my bags, I collapsed on the seat, staring out the window. It's funny. Somehow no matter which side of the train I sit on, I always end up with a view of the platform… Hogwarts magic, maybe?

The compartment door slid open with a passion. Behind it stood the trio. Marlene stepped in, followed by Alice and Mary.

"Lily, Lily, what on earth have you done to Potter? His face is delightfully confused," cackled Marlene, flopping down in the space next to me. "It's excellent."

"I agree, it's nice to see _him_ looking bewildered for once. Do you remember how he froze all those first years' faces as the ghosts swept in last year? Little Benjy Fenwick actually got sorted with that expression on!" Alice glided in behind Marlene, face tucked into a magazine. She seems like a pretty relaxed girl, but I'm pretty sure that she's laughing at us all inside her mind. Sometimes she makes this face when I fight with Potter, like she's about to sneeze, and I _know_ she's actually just trying not to laugh.

Mary was different, she was just the normal one out of the three of us. Not that it was a bad thing, really; the rest of us always had some kind of drama or the other going on, and I think all of us would've traded places with her if we had the chance. Even me, though she _does_ struggle on alarmingly easy assignments. Honestly, if I wanted to be a really cruel person, I guess I'd call her a female Peter Pettigrew. Not _bad _looking, kind of funny, and a nice kid, but overall just exceedingly average.

The three all settled in around me, Alice eyeing me over her magazine with humor, Marlene sprawled across my seat, and Mary making eyebrows at me from the corner.

"Don't you guys have to grab a compartment?" I asked. Not that I don't like their company, but the other prefects never took it well when uninitiated students sat in their seats. "The rest of the prefects should be getting here…"

"We have other plans," said Mary, suspiciously casual in dismissing my concern. She smirked at me, clearly feeling smug from whatever secret she was keeping. Mary absolutely loves secrets, and though you'd think that would be a bad thing, it actually all works out, 'cause she's really good at keeping them too. Like the Swiss Bank of everything you always wanted to tell someone, but were afraid would fall into the rumor mill. Despite Mary's cluelessness when it came to anything else, if anyone knew what was going on, it was her.

"Okay, spill." I looked around the compartment, searching out hints from the other's faces. Alice sunk lower behind her magazine.

"Can't tell a _prefect_, can we? Might turn us in…" Marlene teased. "Of course, if we were to—hypothetically, of course—involve a prefect, said officer couldn't turn us in for fear of implicating herself."

Alice chimed in, "But, according to the duties of a prefect, they cannot _willingly_ participate in the alleged activity. Therefore…" she stopped abruptly, and I urged her on.

"Therefore…?" Alice grinned, and looked towards Mary, who held up a blindfold.

"Therefore we're kidnapping you," chirped Mary. "Isn't this fun?"

* * *

><p>I don't like it when I'm not in control. I know it's a bad habit, this need to stabilize my surroundings, but nevertheless it's there. It probably stems in some part from the trauma of Petunia always bossing me around. Guess I just developed this trait in resistance. Admittedly, it's also probably 'cause I'm just crazy uptight about things like that.<p>

I was not in control of this situation. Mary led me down the corridor by the elbow, towards the front of the engine.

"You guys, I'm going to miss the meeting," I whined remarked. Lily Evans does not whine. She uses her higher pitches to obtain what she wants. There's nothing wrong with that. I looked towards Marlene—she could never resist my looks of pleading. "Please Marlene, this is really important to me," I whispered.

Yeah, that was total bullshit. I really could care less if I missed that meeting. The heads this year came from Slytherin and Hufflepuff, and realistically they weren't likely to accomplish anything this first meeting anyway. The absolute worst they could do was chide me for missing (to which I would reply that I had had "woman troubles".) and then assign me extra rounds on the worst shifts (also no big deal. Let's be truthful; who doesn't want to wander around the school late at night, snooping into other people's business? I know I do.)

I could hear Marlene sigh, but I could almost _feel _her roll her eyes as she tugged at my hair.

"Cool your beans, Gingey-pie. We're almost there, and then we'll take this dumb thing off you. It totally clashes with your hair." Good. The blindfold kind of smelled like cats. I felt that my observation was worthy enough to share with my friends.

"Mary, did you get this thing from your Aunt's house? It smells like Mr. Fluffytail," I asked. It was a bit odd—I'm pretty sure we had gone through the first car a few minutes ago… "Wait, where are we?"

Suddenly the floor in front of me dropped down a step, and wind whipped across my face, spraying my hair into Marlene's mouth. She sputtered as she whipped off the blindfold. "Welcome to the locomotive, engineer's room." Alice leaned against the banister, and Mary was perched on top of the coal box.

"This will be the venue of the sixth year Evans/McKinnon/Diggory/MacDonald reunion." Marlene convened the traditional meeting with our customary speech. Yes, the name is ridiculous. We had tried arranging our first initials, but the best thing we got was EMED, so that was definitely out. One year I brought Sev (didn't go over well with the others), and we came up with SMEDE, which might actually have been worse. Luckily he didn't stick around. I know I shouldn't say stuff like that, since he is (was?) my best friend, but… you know how it is, some friend groups just aren't met to overlap. We just couldn't pull off something like 'The Marauders' either; firstly, it wasn't our style—too quippy, you know—, and secondly because for us to have a name, someone would have to call us by it. Yeah, so also a no go.

"What orders of business shall the court place on the agenda for future examination?" Marlene always led these things, because her voice was just so strong. I know it's weird to admit, but I'm a little bit envious of her voice. Mine's just really feminine and wheedle-y, I think. Hers is so deep and melodious. Not that I'd ever tell her, though, 'cause she might kill herself laughing.

"I nominate the continuance of the Annual Liquor Night!" shouted Alice. It's a good thing it's so loud up here, because otherwise some students might question our moral conduct…

"Seconded!"

"It's unanimous. Next?" Mary and Alice leaned towards each other, conspiring quietly, then conferred with Marlene. She grinned evilly. Okay, that right there is the single reason humans have the ability to feel suspicious. If they didn't, they might fall prey to an infamous Marlene-Scheme.

"We, the entire court excepting Lily, propose—" began Alice.

Mary interrupted with a muttered "All _three_ of us."

"_Propose_ that—and don't take this the wrong way Lily, because you _knew _this was coming— Miss Evans terminate her unhealthy 'friendship' with the 'gentleman' known as Severus Snape." The three peered at me anxiously, though Marlene still looked slightly gleeful. "The court would also like to remind Miss Evans that she is the minority, and therefore can be overruled in the case of dissent, or risk forfeiture of her position in the court." Alice tacked on the last bit quickly, so I assume she felt nervous. Or guilty. I hope she did. Feel guilty, I mean, because she absolutely should. Asking me to choose between the three of them and Sev? What breed of shit is that?

My thoughts must have shown on my face. Mary shrunk back from the conflict raging out of my eyes, and Marlene leaned in, ready to fight. Alice just looked extremely ashamed.

"You would make me choose between friends," I began slowly. "You would have me abandon one of my oldest friends for you? You'd put a _price tag_ on our friendship? How dare you. How dare you!"

"Lily, cool down, there." Mary tried to soothe me, but I refused. Red strands of hair flipped into my face as the wind changed direction. Both of the others were silent.

I sighed. "You're really going to make me choose." The worst part is that even though they could do something like this to me, I still know who I'd pick. Them, anytime. Sev and I were drifting apart anyway, and at least I knew that Marlene, Alice, and Mary wanted me to end it for my own good. That was way more than Sev could say. "Ugh, c'mon. You know the answer anyway, you witches." Marlene hugged me tightly, and Alice and Mary joined too. Yeah, I guess I can admit that I just sort of side-stepped the issue. I basically told them that I prefer them, but didn't really make any promises regarding Sev. Pretty clever, eh?

Marlene sniffed. "Merlin, Lily! You smell like coal!" I laughed brokenly, and sniffed my robes, because not even sadness could stymie a scent-crisis. Ew, I did reek, damn it. Great, that stench _never_ comes out.

"Let's just go back, you guys. The heads are probably finished talking at everyone anyway, we can just take over the prefects' compartment," I said.

"Sounds good," agreed Alice. Frankly, I think she would have agreed with almost anything I said to her just then, she was _that_ relieved that I didn't straight up reject them. We ambled back through the corridor, our hair messy from the wind, breathless from laughter, anger, relief.


End file.
